Thank You Foster Parents

Most people don’t know, but May is National Foster Care Month. It is a month to raise awareness and properly recognize foster care parents and organizations. I have had the privilege of spending some time working with this population and, let me tell you, it was eye-opening.

To be sure, not every foster care situation turns out well. In truth, many don’t – at least not by society’s standard. But children would not be placed in the foster care system if they enjoyed all of the privileges many of us claim. The foster care kids I worked with often knew their parents, but most certainly communicated that it would be easier if they didn’t.

I remember the first day I was hit with words that felt as if I had been punched in the gut. I was with a kid that was 12 years old, which, at the time was half of my age. He and I were talking about how his mom was getting out of court-ordered drug rehab in the coming week. I asked if he was excited to have visitation “privileges” with his mom (expecting the answer was an obvious one). I was shocked when he told me how he wished she would stay locked up forever.

Immediately, I said “you don’t believe that.” Without hesitation he said that he did. He rattled off the problems his mom caused, the revolving door between she, jail and rehab and about how her brief stints on the outside only further aggravated him and “screwed up” his visitation with his grandmother, who was the one family member he remained in contact with throughout his foster care placements. Hearing his story, I actually took his side (albeit I did not tell him) and wished his mom would just leave him alone unless she could promise she would not be out of his life for another jail term in the near future. He simply did not deserve the torture of her sporadic appearances in his life.

That night, I told my parents I loved them and wanted them to know that our differences and disagreements were not that bad. They, along with my brother, with whom I fought incessantly, had always been there for me; even if I was not there for them. They provided meals, shelter, protection, and, most importantly, unconditional love: things I took for granted, but are not universally known. This was my first sob story and it happened in my second week on the job. It certainly was not the last.

As I listened to stories like this, and far worse, I realized what a difficult world it is out there for so many kids. They do not enter their foster home in an ideal situation and they certainly don’t always make life easy on their foster parents. But through the dedication and commitment of foster parents, orphaned and abused kids might gain some stability, some nurturing, some structure and some direction. They might even, gain a loved one.

Foster parents, during National Foster Care Month and beyond, deserve society’s thanks. They provide hope and opportunity to kids that have too often lost both. They provide a future to kids that want to forget their past.